


A Very Grimm Christmas

by orphan_account



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Romance, The Grimms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:35:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5415344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the Christmas after Simon lost his magic, and Baz’s family has to invite Simon for the holidays to get Baz to come.<br/>Simon’s upset because Baz won't kiss him anymore, Baz can barely think, Daphne is careful, Baz’s Father is displeased, Mordelia is confused, and Fiona is plotting.<br/>Meanwhile, Agatha isn't ready for the next step in her new life, and she and Penny have a very important talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Pleasant Beginning

**Mordelia**

  Today’s the day Simon Snow and Baz come.

 When I asked Mum why Baz didn’t just come on his own, she told me it was because he and Simon loved each other now, so we were like family. She said it with an odd sort of stretched smile on her face. When I listened at the door to her and Father’s bedroom, she said Baz didn’t want to come without him. Father was frustrated, but after a while Mum convinced him to invite them both.

 I don’t understand about Baz and Simon loving each other. Baz never even liked Simon Snow before, nobody did. Father called him ‘The Mage’s Heir’ and Baz always hated the Mage, before he killed him. Whenever Baz talked about him, he sounded awful. He killed dragons, and he was rude and loud and horrible at magic and he was a terrible roommate.

 And then last year he came over, and Baz still didn’t like him but they acted weird and stayed in Baz’s room a lot. Simon ate too much and chewed with his mouth open and  wore that uniform all the time. Then Simon sucked all the magic out of our house and everything felt horrible and pressing and right after we got out of the house Baz left and he never came back.

 That whole year Baz was odd. He was gone and then he got sick and he hardly talked to anyone. Even before Simon came over he played sad music and was angrier than usual.

 We had to move, and now we live in this house that has a lot of moose heads and guns on the walls, and Mum’s renovating it.

 It’s okay, but he still ruined our Christmas and he had no right to make us move.

 Aunt Fiona (She’s not really my aunt but everybody likes me to call her that anyway) says Simon’s still awful, but now he has big red batty wings and a tail and he lost his magic. Aunt Fiona hates Simon Snow, but she wasn’t surprised that Baz wouldn’t come without him. (She’s coming in three days.)

  I miss Baz.

  Anyway, I’m waiting near the library door (The library here isn’t as pretty as the one in our old manor, but it has a lot of corners to hide in and just as many books.) when I hear the doorbell. I want to see them when they come in, but I also want to see them before they see me, and there are no proper hiding spots near the hall besides the closet, and I could hear just as well from here as from in there, with all the wraiths.

 I hear Vera walking over to the door. Then I hear it swing open.

 “Basilton. Please do come in, I’ll fetch your mother.”

 “Thank you, Vera” Baz’s voice is cool, like always. Then I hear a snicker, and some shuffling. It’s not Baz.

 Two pairs of feet and bags dragging over the welcome mat.

 Silence, then the click of Mum’s heels against the hard wooden floors.

 “Basil...Mr. Snow. Come in, Vera will get your coats and your luggage. I’m afraid Mr. Grimm is out at the moment, but the children will be here shortly.”

 I freeze, then make my way to the back of the library, grabbing a book on my way. I try to be quiet, but as soon as I start rushing, I hear a laugh.

 It's Baz, because I suppose he can hear me.

 He’s interrupted Snow, who was mumbling something about ‘Simon’.

 And then I’m too far away to hear anything.

 Baz is back.

 He brought the Mage’s Heir.

**Simon**

Baz isn't touching me. He's not holding my hand or my waist, he's just standing there, in the hallway, and he's talking to his stepmum, and he's barely glanced at me since we got here.

 It's actually embarrassing how much it's setting me on edge. It's not that I can't go a few minutes without holding him, it's that I'm not used to him being indifferent. It's like we're at Watford again, and he doesn't even like me.

  At least he's not cursing me, and his stepmum looks relieved.

 Most of the children are here now, but they can't find Mordelia, and now his stepmum looks worried again.

 Baz raises an eyebrow. “Check the library, you know how Mordelia loves to read,” His voice is laced with dry humor.

 His stepmum gives him a look, then nods her head at the maid. She walks away quickly and then around the corner.

 I want to grab Baz's hand and squeeze it.

 I don't.

**Baz**

I can practically feel Simon staring at me while I try to talk to Daphne. This probably means he wants to hold me. Normally I'd take his hand or even kiss him.

 I won't.

**Mordelia**

I'm waiting for them to find me for too long, and the book I picked up is a thousand pages of hunting spells that probably don't even work anymore.

 Finally, Vera finds me and leads me to the sitting room near the front door. When I get in, Mother is perched on a couch near the fireplace with the twins next to her and Baz is sitting on a couch with Simon Snow, but they're not close together. (Simon doesn't look like he has wings, Aunt Fiona says Baz can make them invisible.) Simon looks nervous and he's answering Mum’s questions, and Baz is leaning back, looking bored.

 When he sees me, he smiles and I'm glad.

 “Mordelia. How kind of you to join us, we thought we'd never find you.” Mum says, and she's smiling in a way that makes me certain that I'm in trouble later. Mum has a thousand different smiles.

 Baz smirks. “Come on, Mordelia, sit with me, I’ll make sure you don't get lost.” He pats the spot next to him, the one between him and Simon, and Simon gives him an odd look.

 Baz doesn't seem in love. Maybe Simon does, but not Baz.

 “You've met Mr. Snow, Mordelia.” Mother says, and she's even angrier now. Simon mutters something again, but everybody ignores him.

 “Nice to see you again, Mr. Snow.” I say, nodding my head politely.

 “Nice to see you, Mordelia.”He's flushed at the mention of his last visit. Good. When I sit, I make sure I don't touch Simon, because I'm not sitting between them. I'm sitting with Baz, and Simon just happens to be on the couch.

 I push my head into Baz’s shoulder, and he puts his arm around me. He's cold.

 We used to do things like this, Baz used to really like me, but ever since he was fifteen he'd get these odd moods where he didn't want to talk to me, and when he turned eighteen, he practically started ignoring me.

 I'm glad he's back. 


	2. Objective Observation

**Vera**

 Mrs. Grimm likes me to be on hand when she's entertaining company, especially the important kind that makes especially nervous. Her stepson and the chosen one make her nervous, now, I suppose. I'm her favorite servant to be around because I'm quiet and I'm not bad with magic, so I'm pretty useful. (Most of the servants here are mages, because the house is so magical, but a lot of them are basically magical duds. I have a fairly decent supply of magic, enough that I never run out on household chores.)

 While I stand, I observe the company. Baz is tall and elegant and handsome, as always. He’s still paler than sin, and there's a reason for that, but I'm forgetting it. The Mage’s Heir, Simon Snow, is shooting glances at me in between answering Mrs. Grimm’s constant queries. (I've noticed she does that when she gets nervous, it's her way of controlling the situation.) He's pretty handsome too, with his clear blue eyes and his curls, but he definitely doesn't look cool or bored, and he's wearing cheap jeans and a tee shirt.

  I wonder if he's thinking about me walking in on him and Baz kissing. I am. I've thought about it a lot since I heard they were dating. I was excited for them to come because of that, because I get bored here sometimes when nothing interesting happens for a while. This visit has been a riot already.

 Mordelia is just sitting there, cuddling into Baz, looking happy. I like that girl, most of the time, because even though she's as slippery as a weasel, always hiding or eavesdropping, she's spunky and fun and she looks so sweet and happy now. I hope she doesn't get punished too badly, but if she does, I'll slip her a sweet or something from the kitchen to make up for it.

 Eventually, it's time for dinner, and I rush to the dining room even though I don't normally serve, because I want to see if anything happens.


	3. Dinner and a Midnight Snack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is long and boring, and the night is awkward and sleepless.

**Baz**

It's a formal meal, which means I'm going to have to dress Simon. I already packed extra clothes for him, because he wouldn't put them in his suitcase. (Something about “I'm nineteen, I can dress myself”)

 I pick out a red suit for him and a dark green suit for myself. (I actually still have the original from that night, but I don't want to admit it.)

 Then I make my way to his room. _His_ room. I'd be annoyed but I expected this. I hope it doesn't have wraiths. Mine does, one in the closet, and I think another in the wardrobe, but they'll be gone soon.

 When I find him, he's on the floor, rummaging through his suitcase, looking slightly panicked. It's cute. I don't think he hears when I walk in.

 “Snow. Do you need help?” I ask, a hint of humor in my voice.

 He looks at me, and it's almost scary when I can't read his face.

 “My name is Simon. Do you all have something against calling people by their first names?”

 I squint at him, then sit on the bed. “They're just being polite.”

 “Oh, and you've been being polite this whole time?” He's angry. I don't know how to deal with this, and we're probably late to dinner. Maybe this was a bad idea. I never wanted to bring Simon here, I just couldn't leave him on the anniversary of the day he lost everything.

 “I didn't think you minded so much…” I say, trying to be gentle, “Hey. Simon.” His eyes soften.

 “I love you. I'm sorry you have to do this, but I love you.” I grab his face and pull it towards me, then I slide off the bed and onto the floor next to him.

 He hesitates for a second, then he wraps his arms around me, and his tail around my leg. I kiss him. He tastes so sweet.

We're definitely late for dinner. At least Father won't be here for another day.

 “I love you too.”He whispers into my mouth. I wish I could stay here forever, and shower him with kisses, but I can't. I give him one last peck, get him into his suit, (He looks just as gorgeous in red as grey) and hold his hand on the way to the dining hall.

 When I get there, I let go.

**Mordelia**

Simon and Baz are late.

 Before they get to the table, Mum looks ridiculously nervous. The rest of us are just sitting around the table, not talking, and not eating. The twins are kicking each other under the table. If Father were here, he would be angry right now, but all Mum knows how to do is wait.

 I'm angry. They should be here. If it was just Baz, he'd be here.

 Finally, they walk in. Baz is wearing dark green, and Simon is wearing Baz’s suit, the one he wore to my birthday party a year ago. Normally, Baz doesn't keep clothes for that long.

 Baz apologizes and then Simon apologizes again, and they take their seats. Mum put Simon next to me. I glare at him. He looks unnerved.

 We eat in silence for a while, then Mum asks Simon about his studies. He's going to blank, but he hasn't chosen a major. Then he talks about his friend, Penelope. She's a good student, apparently, and she's doing something scientific.

 When she's done with that, Mum moves on to Baz, and Simon looks relieved.

 Baz talks about business, and his marks, and an essay he's writing about something business-y.

 He doesn't eat. Baz never eats, he just moves things around his plate.

 The dinner is long and boring. I wish Mum would stop talking.

**Simon**

 There’s something near the window. It’s shaking and wailing and I’m never going to get any sleep like this.

 I think about going to find Baz. Then I just think about Baz. I think he went hunting after dinner. It’s been a long time since he hunted, We have a butcher in London who get’s him his blood.

 Finally, I can't stand it anymore. I get up and out of the room, but I don't know where to go. I hover around the hallway near Baz’s door, but I don't know what he'd say if I came in, and I don't want to fall asleep there.

 I end up near the kitchen. It's almost like the one at Watford, and it smells good.

I sit down on a wooden bench and lean my head against the wall. I swear I’m so tired I could fall asleep right here. If I do this, I might as well go to Baz’s room. I have to get up. I have to move. I have…….

"What are you doing here?"   
 My insides freeze, and I turn my head quicker than I thought possible. It's Baz's sister, Mordelia.   
She's standing behind me, in a white nightgown with a fluffy purple robe over it. She's barefoot,  her hands are on her hips and she's glaring at me.   
 I clear my throat. I'm still tired.   
 "I...was just, m-my..tired...There were...wraiths, and..." I trail off lamely. There's really no way out of this.   
 "You're rubbish with words, you know. Baz was right about that." She sits on a stool. Then she looks at me sharply. "You weren't looking for him, were you? His room isn't anywhere near here."   
 I shake my head. She looks like she's deciding whether to say something or not. Then she turns away, and starts rummaging in a refrigerator.

 “There are cookies in here, but they’re cold.” She hands me a plate full of ginger snaps.

 I hesitate for a second, then take it. I don’t realize how hungry I am until I take my first bite. They’re delicious, and before I know it, I’ve swallowed three.

 Mordelia is staring at me with a sort of morbid fascination. I try to slow down, but I’m starting to feel sort of panicky and I don’t slow down until I’ve had five cookies and she grabs a few.

   Then I just sit for a while and we both eat slowly, savoring the food. She keeps giving me odd, hostile sort of looks.

 Then she turns her head away for a second and I don’t know what she’s looking at, and when she turns around to face me I feel as if she’s going to do something so I stop eating and put a half cookie down. It makes me feel sort of sad but I can always come back to it.

 “Mum said you and Baz were in love. Are you really? He never seemed in love, and he doesn’t really now. You have to tell me what’s happening, you made me move and you made Baz weird last year, or I think it was you.” She says it all in a rush, like she’s afraid I’ll cut her off, and she looks threatening but also a little scared.

 “Um.” I’m still sleepy, even though I know I should be paying attention. “Y-”

 “Simon? Mordelia?” Baz’s voice cuts through mine, and when I turn, he’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen, staring at us suspiciously. The look he’s giving me makes me feel a little bit like a little kid who’s been caught sneaking out of the house, and I freeze for a second, but Mordelia’s already on her feet, and smiling sweetly at Baz.

 “Just getting a snack and talking to Simon. Goodnight.” She says quickly, then gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and skips off quickly and quietly, her hair flashing.

 He looks after her for a bit with an expression that’s somewhere between affection and irritation. It’s not unfamiliar.

 Then he turns to me.

 “What do you think you’re doing, Snow?”

 It’s a good question, actually.

**Baz**

Simon is pacing outside my door for ages. Maybe he thinks I can’t hear him, but it’s driving me crazy. I want to let him in, but I don't. I just sit there, listening to him, until he leaves, and I know he's not going to his room.

 It takes me awhile before I get up, but eventually I find him.

 He’s sitting in a corner of the kitchen, eating oversized cookies with my little sister. I interrupt them, and pretend I didn’t hear what they were talking about. Simon is a deer in the headlights, but Mordelia is all casual. She kisses my cheek and skips off as if we’re two adults who just bumped into each other in a cafe, and not as if we both know that Daphne would kill her if I told her. Of course I won’t.

 When she’s gone I raise my eyebrow at Simon.

 “What do you think you’re doing, Snow?”

 He looks crushed, and I resist the urge to chuckle before settling down next to him.

 “This bench is rubbish, you know that? You couldn’t find somewhere else?” I raise my eyebrow at him playfully, but he just looks thoughtful.

 “Your sister doesn’t like me very much.” He says quietly, looking down.

 “Nonsense. Mordelia loves you, that’s just how she always is.” I insist, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. I’m lying, of course, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

 “Are- you sure?” He looks so ridiculously cute. I sigh.

 “Yes. Now would you mind telling me why you have been roaming the halls for so long? This house has enough ghosts, you know, believe me, it scared me half to death as a kid, visiting here.”

 He looks up at me, blushing, and I have to remind myself to stay focused.

 “There’s a wraith in my room.” He says pitifully, then breaths out deeply. I laugh despite myself and wrap my arm around his shoulders, drawing him in.

 “You can sleep with me, I’ll get you out before anyone notices, now let’s move, because you picked a real shit bench.” I say briskly, turning to guide him away.

 I feel his hand on my neck, then he turns me around and kisses me, long and hard and hungry, pulling at me, and it’s ridiculous how much I want him.

 He pulls me back onto the bench, and wraps his arms around my neck, pushing me against a cabinet.

 I really should protest, or at least get him to my room, but I’m pretty sure I’d stay wherever he is as long as he wants me to.

 Aleister Crowley, Snow, you’ve ruined my self control.

 I feel his breath on mine, his delicious lips, he’s practically sitting on my lap now, and I’m just holding every bit of him I can.

 His kisses at first are desperate, needy, urgent, but eventually he slows down, savoring every touch. I try to make sure we’re being quiet, but soon I can’t pay attention to anything.

 It’s all golden curls, pink lips, skin against skin and those bright blue eyes.

 Finally he pulls away, because we both know one of us has too, and I was not kidding about this bench, and I curse myself a little because I’m supposed to be the strong one.

 He grins at me, and I can’t help grinning back.

 Then he grabs me and we start towards my room.

 Every sound is outrageous in my ears, but I try to stay calm. Finally we’re there, and when I close the door, Simon leans into me, I feel his warmth, and he whispers something. Only I could have heard it.

 “You were afraid of ghosts?” He chuckles because my face must look comical, and I shove him, trying to look outraged, but I can’t suppress a laugh.

 He’s still laughing when he grabs me again, and right after I soundproof the room I curse myself again for not kissing him first.

Then there’s only Simon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Simon**

 I wake up to bright light and smoke. It takes me a second to realize where I am, but the sight of Baz’s Aunt Fiona leaning against the dresser next to me shocks me awake quickly enough.

 “Oh, good, the Mage’s Heir has awoken! Such an honor to have you with my family in a Pitch estate, you treat them so well.” She’s smiling maliciously, but there’s an edge to her voice that I know means she’s really angry. Then again, she’s never happy around me.

 I try to think of something to say, but as usual around her, my brain is blank, and I feel only an all encompassing anger.

 I try to hide it, but Baz knows I hate Fiona. I’m not sure he knows why, and I don’t really want to tell him, but the truth is, she just reminds me too much of him. She’s sharp, and elitist, and powerful, and she hates me. The way she carries herself, that makes her so scary, is too familiar. But worst of all, she knows. She knows I’m not worthy of Baz.

 I’m not a mage. I was never the savior. I have wings, for magic’s sake, and that magic, it was never mine. I’ll always be afraid that Baz will realize that, that I’m not enough for him.

I’ll always know, in the back of my mind, that that day is coming.

 It’s like Fiona is proof. Proof of what I should be to Baz.

 “You’re early.”

 “Daphne thought I should come before Malcolm, to act as a buffer.” She sneers at me and I try to stay calm. Then her face changes a little.

 I look down and realize that I’ve sat up, and that I’m shirtless. Blood rushes to my face.

 “Have some decorum, Snow. Not everyone wants to see you half naked.” She snaps angrily, putting out her cigarette and spelling the door behind her closed unnecessarily.

 I sigh and sink under the duvet, glad that there is finally no one here to see me blush.

 

******  
**


	5. Mr. Grimm Comes Home

**Vera**

  Mrs. Grimm is on edge, and I can tell she’s seconds away from snapping at me, but there’s no chance of slipping away to leave someone new to take over. Fiona isn’t helping, but that’s hardly a surprise.

  When she yells at Mordelia for fidgeting, I suggest that she take a quick nap before dinner, and she shoots me a look that makes me glad she’s not holding her wand.

  After that I shut up and let her fuss over the twins’ dresses, whether “your father” will enjoy the flowers, and if the steak is cooked perfectly.

  We all know it’s not about the flowers. We all know that Mr. Grimm didn’t need to stay at Oxford for the first two day of the Chosen One’s visit.

  We’re all holding our breath for something, something bad, to happen when he gets here.

  The first two days went okay. To nearly everyone’s relief, Baz and Simon barely acknowledged each other, (though Baz did a much better job of acting natural) and most of the tension was between Simon and Fiona.

  Since Mrs. Grimm tries as hard as possible to keep everybody occupied so that they don’t interact too dangerously, she's spent most of her time giving tours and having people play board game.

  Finally, everything is ready. The house is spotless, the food is ready, and the twins have stopped playing with their dresses.

  It’s several painful minutes before the bell rings and everybody looks at each other.

  It takes me a second before I start towards the door, but Mrs. Grimm pushes past me and gets it herself. It’s Mr. Grimm, with suitcases all around him, looking elegant and scary as always.

  His hair is slicked back, and he’s wearing a long silky scarf. I grab his things while he greets his wife. Simon looks so red, I want to take him with me, and try to calm him down.

  He always seems so uncomfortable around me, but he does try to talk more than any other guest the Grimms have had. I suppose he did grow up as a Normal orphan, not as used to ordering people around as every rich old Mage family I’ve ever worked for.

  I unpack his suitcases quickly, but I'm still careful to fold everything perfectly and put it in the right place, because Mr. Grimm is very particular about his clothes.

  When I get back, he's asking the twins something. Even talking to small children, he seems imperious and scary, in a rich, shadowy way. I catch Baz glance at Simon, for just a second, and even just that seems to make him calm down a little bit.

  It's oddly comforting to watch them sometimes, because after a while, you start to notice that they a sort of constant barely perceptible communication. It's like they naturally gravitate towards each other.

  They definitely weren't like that last Christmas. Back then, everything about the two of them was uncertain and hostile. I'm sure that nobody else has noticed. They're all just hoping that they can ignore the fact that they're really, actually, dating. They're all so sure that they can ignore everything. Sometimes I think they’re right. Because if anybody could, it would be this family.

  I've been standing in the corner of the dining room, ramrod straight, for several minutes before Mr. Grimm talks to Simon.

  “So….Mr. Snow, you are going to university, correct?”He asks politely, staring at Simon from across the table with a sharp look in his eye. “

Um-er…….correct.”

“Your major?”

“Undeclared.”

“Mordelia, don't interrupt. Mr. Snow?”

“Yes, sir, undeclared.”

“I see.”

  Mordelia looks a bit red, but she goes back to sitting straight and being polite. Simon is looking at his food like he's ridiculously hungry but not sure whether he can eat.      

Minutes pass in silence, then Mr. Grimm turns to Baz. “Basilton. Are you doing well at your university?”

“Yes, Father, I find it quite….” They start talking about business and I tune out the conversation, focusing instead on the pattern of the tablecloth. I wonder how much it costed. Then I stop wondering, and try to trace every stitch.

“You're staying at your Aunt’s?” I hear Mr. Grimm ask, and jerk my attention back to the table.

“Yes sir.”

Fiona laughs, and my stomach turns. He turns to her and cocks an eyebrow while his wife looks concerned.

“Most of the time, though I do notice that you're gone quite often.”

There's a moment of silence.

“I see.”

I really do hate it when he says that, but it may be the best thing he could say. Mr. Grimm doesn't talk to or about Simon for the rest of the meal. I'm glad.

 


	6. Nightmares

** Simon **

I’m a mess at dinner. Even I can tell, but I feel too crazy, now. It’s almost scary to see Baz like this, and to see his family. 

 I try to sleep as soon as I get to my room, but it had to happen sometime.

 A nightmare. 

 It’s the Humdrum again, except my magic is already gone, and I watch him kill Baz. And Penny. And then he I get my sword to work, and I kill him, but when he bleeds he turns into the Mage, and he screams at me until I’m screaming and crying.

 I try to calm down when I wake up, but for a second all I can do is think about how I’m still crazy. 

_ Crazy. _

Baz has been spelling my wings and tail invisible every morning, but I feel an intense need to see them now. I grab my tail, and wrap it around me, and I bury my head in my pillow.

_ Breathe _ , Simon.

_ Breathe. _

I rock back and forth. 

 Why am I doing this? The dinner wasn’t bad. Everything is fine.

 I feel the sobs, but I try to bury them in the sheets and the blankets.

 I grab at my wings.

 I can’t fall asleep, but I can’t stay awake. I need to escape.

 I can’t have a nightmare here. I can’t do this. 

 I have to be there for Baz, he’s always there for me.

_ Always. _

Why am I like this? He shouldn’t have to deal with this.

 Why am I broken like this?

 I need Penny. I fumble around for my phone, trying to breathe and cursing myself while I shake. 

 When I get it I don’t know what to do.

 I try to dial her number but I get it wrong, my fingers shake and I feel myself choking.

 Finally I can’t stand it.

 I open the door and try to get to the forest, to the grounds. Once I’m outside I run until I finally don’t feel trapped.

 The sky is big and filled with stars and just staring at it makes everything better for a second.

 It’s so cold.

 It’s so cold but at least I’m not inside, where they can all hear me, crazy and crying like an animal.

 Helpless.

 It’s all so cold.

** Penelope **

 When I get the call, I’m studying.

 Simon says I study too much. I say that I can’t slack anymore at uni.

 I know that something’s wrong because he wouldn’t call now.

 I try not to think about what it is, I just pick up quickly because I’m afraid of what might happen if I take a second first.

 “P-Penelop-e” His voice is husky and wracked with sobs. My heart catches in my throat.

“Simon.” I say it loudly and clearly, because that normally helps.

 He’s crying, and probably hyperventilating.

 “Did you…..have a nightmare?” I ask, trying to make my voice somehow calming despite the fact that I am freaking out and just about ready to jump on a train to find him. Because he’s still so fragile, always. He’s been so brave, but the nightmares and the wings and his magic…...he still has issues.

 “Simon, I can’t hear you nod.” 

 He sputters out a yes.

 “Where is Baz?” I ask, the most important question.

 “I-iiiiiii….” 

 I stop asking him questions, and try to calm him.

 “Simon. Simon. Everything’s okay. I’m here. Simon. It’s me, you’re going to be okay. I know it hurts.”

 He calms down after a bit of that, and I try to figure out what is happening.

 “Where are you?”

 “At the- Grimms”

 “I’ll ask again, Simon.”

 “Outside. Near the forest.” I breathe in sharply, and put off yelling at him until later.

 “Where is Baz?”

 “I-In his room.”

 “Why didn’t you get him?”

 “Be…...Because.” He’s calmer now, but he’s still daft, and I don’t know what to do with him. I wish he were here.

 “You need to talk to Baz, Simon.” I try to sound firm, like I’m in control.

 “No.”

 “Why?” I hope they haven’t fought. I hope Baz knows I would clobber him if this is his fault.

 “Because- Penny, it’s not, it’s not fair. He doesn’t deserve this. Me- all-all…...messed up, broken…..”

 I take a breath, searching for words.

 “Baz loves you.”

 “B-”

 “Shut up. Baz loves you, and he deserves you, and you are going to talk to him now. And you are getting out of the snow.”

 “.....” I take silence as victory, and push on.

 “I love you, Simon.”

 “....I love you too, Penny. And I  _ will _ call you tomorrow.”

 “I know, Simon. I know.”

** Baz **

 I was never asleep, so I hear it when the door opens. I hear his breath, all wrong and fast. I hear the pad of his bare feet, but he’s cold, and there is ice and dirt on him.

 I’m instantly angry and afraid, and I want to scream at myself.

 He tiptoes up to my bed, and I feel him close to me. He’s still so much warmer than me.

 When I move, he almost jumps.

 I want to hold his hands, brush his cheeks with my own, run my hand through his hair. I want to hold him close. 

 So I do. I pull him next to me, and I whisper his name into his ear, like a spell.

 Like I can make him better just by saying it, again and again.

 And maybe it works, just a little, because he just melts into me, and weeps into my shoulder, until he’s silent.

 We don’t talk about what happened.

 We don’t have to.

 I just need to know that he’ll always come to me, and he just needs to know that I’ll always be there.


	7. Daydreams

** Vera **

 They’re lying in that bed together, noses pressed against each other, legs and arms all tangled, and Simon really does have wings, big and red and awkward, but right now they make him looks like some kind of exotic fallen angel.

 There are tear tracks on his cheeks, and his Baz has a hand in his boyfriend’s hair, and another on his cheek.

 It’s so intimate and loving, and it’s  _ Baz _ _,_ and for a second when I walk in, carrying sheets and humming something quietly, all I can do is stand there, staring, and then I run out and lock the door behind me, and I don’t even care if I get yelled at for it.

** Simon **

 I wake up before him, and it’s nice for once to watch him.

 I know we should get up, but I know he’ll make sure we do when he’s up, and I don’t  want  to get up.

 I want to lay with him, here, forever.

 It’s so perfect to feel his breath on mine, and his legs, and his fingers, on my cheeks.

 It was so perfect, last night, to have him, so gentle.

 I never would have thought he could be so gentle.

** Baz **

 When I wake up, he’s staring at me, piercing me with those blue eyes, and when he sees that I’m awake, he smiles, just a little embarrassed.

 I give him one last kiss.


	8. Need Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope knows they're not okay on their own.

**  Penelope **

I wake up lonely.

 Simon and Baz ignore my calls, so I leave them angry texts, then I get some shitty fast food.

 The flat feels so big and empty, so I spend my morning cleaning and then eating again. I finished all my homework for the break already, and Micah isn’t set to come until tomorrow. 

 I always thought this visit was a bad idea. Because it’s  _ Christmas.  _ With the  _ Grimms _ .  This is so bad for both of them in so many ways.

 Baz thinks I’m just worried about Simon, but the truth is, I’m worried about both of them. I know that it’s his family, but I also think that they’re the root of all of his issues. Every time that he feels insecure, and every time he’s rude…..

 I don’t even like his Aunt Fiona, who, according to him, is the only one I  _ should _ like. 

 And I really like Baz. Not just because of Simon. They’re both my friends.  _ Which means I’m probably hovering around four, that might be too much……… _

And of course, Simon is still so messed up because of what happened. He needs to be with both of us, at home, on Christmas. Otherwise he could go crazy.

 He’s not invincible anymore. He’s still strong, but he needs me now more than ever.

 What happened yesterday proved it. Even though I  _ am  _ sure that it turned out fine, it means that he can’t be alone. We need to be there, right next to him.

 I don’t think they can do that at the Grimm's.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I realize I'm not going to finish this by Christmas, and I feel bad.

**Penelope**

  By the time the doorbell rings, I'm so lonely that I run and open it without thinking.

  It's Agatha. She gives me a slightly awkward smile, and I can see her trying to ignore my over sized tee-shirt and fluffy pajama bottoms at two in the afternoon. She has mastered the whole judging without seeming too judgy thing, but it doesn't really work on me after all this time.

  Seeing her is so weird. She's still oddly delicate and perfect in a way that makes her seem unreal. Simon would say she's to good to be true, but I think that she's just not really true. She's carrying a suitcase, and wearing jeans with a coat that obviously isn't hers, and she's staring at me expectantly.

  "Agatha." She looks nervous. "Co-Come in." It seems like the right thing to say, and she looks relieved while she drags the suitcase through the door. I offer to help, hesitating before putting it in Simon's room. When I get back, she's looking around the flat curiously, taking in the papers and books everywhere, Simon's collection of DVDs, the elaborate shiny tree with a few presents scattered under it, and the odd contrast of some surprisingly expensive furniture mixed in with whatever crap Simon and I got from garage sales.

  I clear my throat, and she looks over at me, looking a bit guilty.

  "What are you doing here?" Simon's nice. Baz is smooth with a subtle disdain. Agatha is polite. I am blunt.

  "Um." She looks scared. It makes me feel a little safer, eases the feeling that somehow she is intruding on my life, judging and dissecting every part of it, as if she wasn't the one who left. I mean, I don't mind texting her, that's safe. It's natural, because I've known her for so long, and otherwise she disappears. But seeing her, and knowing that, if she stays, I'll have to answer a few too many questions and that she wouldn't approve. If she questions Baz, and I think she will, then I'll be angry again, and I'll have to admit that I think she knew she could have been leaving us to die. I know that we would have done more for her.

  "I.....can I stay?" She continues eventually, and I think about it for a second.

  "Yes. Yes, Agatha, you can stay." I give her a piercing stare, then turn around, and just before I close the door to my room, I look at her over my shoulder. "You can sleep in Simon's room. Most of his clothes are gone. We're gonna go out in an hour, if you don't have anything else to do. We can get food." She nods, and she almost smiles.

  "Good." I close the door.

**Agatha**

  I don't know why, but seeing Penny makes me happier than I expected. She seems a little angry, but she didn't forget me. She let me barge in, and she accepted it. I know she wants an explanation, but I won't mind giving it to her.

  Being in Simon's room makes me feel something. I just don't know what. It's neater than I expected, and I wonder where he is. It looks mostly empty, but there are a few books that look out of place.

  Once I change, I try to sit and not touch anything, but I just end up staring at the apartment. It doesn't look quite right. There are too many things that don't seem like Simon's or Penelope's. I try to think about what she's said about them, but I realize that I don't actually remember it.

  I'm glad when she finally comes out, wearing jeans and a heavy winter jacket. She brushed her hair, and she doesn't look bad. I smile at her, and she hesitates a little, but she smiles back. When Penny smiles, it makes you feel sort of chosen, like she's deemed you worthy, because she means it, she's not interested in being polite. Mostly she just smiles at Simon.

  We get in her car, and then decide on Chinese.

  We're seated before she looks at me and I just start talking.

  "My parents wanted me to come over, and I told them I was visiting my boyfriends family." I say quickly. "Nick."

  "And you're not.......?" She's looking at me like I'm immature.

  "We had a row."

  "Ok. Micah'll be here tomorrow, but he won't mind. How long?" I start to respond, but her phone rings. At first, she looks annoyed, but then she looks at the screen, and looks trapped. I lean in and take a look. It's Simon. She gives me a look like I'm being rude, but she answers it.

  "Hello." She's trying to sound unaffected, but I can hear a little concern in his voice, and I wonder again where Simon is. For the first time, I'm genuinely worried.

  "Hmmm...good. I told you." She sounds relieved. "Ok, Simon. I know."

  "Did he...." I can only hear what she's saying, but I listen to every word anyway.

  "What? Nothing!"

  "Tomorrow."

  "No."

  "Simon."

  "Promise."

  "I mean it- promise!"

  Our food comes.

  "They're not that bad."

  "I never said that!"

  "You too. Thank him for me. Bye."

  "Simon. I'm saying good bye. I miss you to, but this wasn't my idea."

  "I'm just saying. Simon. Goodbye."

  She hangs up, looking exasperated but also happier. She even smiles at me. I start eating, realizing for the first time that I'm actually starving. I don't speak until I don't feel so hungry.

  "So, where's Simon?" I try to sound casual, but I can tell she isn't buying it. She looks at me, then she looks down, and breathes in.

  "He's....I mean-" Penny doesn't mumble. It makes me nervous. "At,shit, Agatha, he's at the Grimms."

  I squint at her. I don't want to figure out what that means, I want her to tell me.

  "Baz didn't want to leave him alone, you know, on Christmas," Saying that seems to make her more confident. "They're dating now, and his family really wanted Baz to come....."

  I stare at her.

  "Holy shit, Penny. What did you say?"

  But I know what she said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
